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Easter can be just as much fun as an adult as it was as a child. Just paint and hide beer cans instead of eggs.
I’ve found if you tuck one part of a pants leg into your sock, people expect less of you.
The only time I use the word “selfie” is when I am describing my sex life.
So what if Jesus turned water into wine... I turned a whole student loan into beer once. your move Jesus.
All the coffee in Colombia couldn`t make me a morning person.
The WWF advert asks, “When the ice goes, where do the polar bears go?” ... Well, swimming, I suppose.
I’m bored enough to clean.
I wonder if there are any times on the clock that I have never seen.
never trust a man in a wheelchair with dirty shoes
How do some people manage to sit on it and talk out of it at the same time?
“The darndest things.” -kids
I`m Not Perfect. Your Not Perfect. But Together We Can Be a Perfect Sense of Humor LOL!
A friend of mine asked if I was coming to her wedding. I said no, I`ll catch the next one. She`s mad at me now.
True self control is waiting until the movie starts to eat your popcorn.
With all the new car technology you would think someone could invent a side mirror that could show where an object actually appears.