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My eye problems starts on Mondays and ends on Friday evening. I see clearer after the fourth bottle.
If Scientists invent a pill to make us immortal, I guarantee I`d choke to death swallowing it.
Shhh...you had me at "alcohol may intensify effect..."
Great idea for an April Fools Prank ... Hide all of the desktop icons on someone`s computer and replace their wallpaper with a screenshot of their old desktop.
I try not to be rude, but some people make it hard work.
I did not say you are stupid, I just said that you have bad luck when you`re thinking.
I don`t think boredom gets enough blame for the trouble it causes.
Found out today you`re supposed to urinate on a jellyfish sting, not a jelly stain. Sorry lady at the waffle house... just trying to help.
The computers were down at work today, so we had to do everything manually. It took me twenty minutes to shuffle the cards to play solitaire.
Police ordered me to get out of my car `You`re staggering` said the officer .`you`re not to bad looking yourself` I replied
I`d be the stripper that got fired for eating her way out of the cake instead of jumping out of it.
I love sleeping, but I never want to go to bed early.
Stop procrastinating. Join Hokey Pokey Anonymous today and turn that life around!
We should bury everyone upside down so if they come back as zombies they`ll dig the wrong way. It`s called thinking ahead guys.
Keep your friends close and your unattractive enemies closer so you look better by comparison in pictures.