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Do you really know me or am I just an idea that you`ve built in your head?
Roses are red, Violets are blue, I wish my ex wife would die ... That`s as far as I got.
No one needs a vacation from me more than me.
Make fun of George Bush all you want, but he would have found a way to bomb North Korea before they shut down Hollywood.
Don`t put off until tomorrow what you can avoid the rest of your life.
Keep reaching for the stars but get a better deodorant.
Facebook should just change it`s name to "People You May Want to Avoid."
I`ve never done any mistake twice... three, four times may be!
I know right from wrong. Wrong is the fun one.
You`d think my password was "yourmom" because the computer said it was too easy.
Staring longingly at the door works for my dog, but I tried it at work and no one let me out. :(
Proposing to a woman isn`t like choosing a life-long business partner. It`s more like hiring your own boss.
I don’t have a problem with friends who ask to borrow money. I love a good laugh as much as the next guy.
Picking up someone at a bar when you`re drunk, is like going to the grocery store hungry... You end up taking home crap you didn`t want
I smile because your my daughter. I laugh because there`s nothing you can do about it. ;)