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Today I think I`ll go to a public restroom and wait until someone leaves, then click your stopwatch and write something down in a notebook.
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall (he also had a pretty good summer too).
I always take a number at the deli, and I`ve been keeping them.... Eventually I`ll have all the numbers and it will always be my turn.
Bipolar smile :(: ...... Gets um everytime !
Changing a whole text message just because you didn`t know how to spell one word?
"I like your tree`s earring." ... "That`s a tire swing."
That awkward moment when you’re laughing so hard, you accidentally hit your head on something..
Be careful who you call friends. I`d rather have 4 quarters than 100 pennies.
If being lazy paid, damn dude I must be a billionaire.
Sometimes, entire relationships can be chalked up to, "that weird thing I did for a while."
Pay no attention to the pizza being delivered to the bush outside your bedroom window.
“I’m sorry” and “my bad” mean the same thing… Unless you’re at a funeral.
If you think buying condoms is awkward, you should try returning them.
It’s not the holiday season unless you push your body to the brink of alcoholism and diabetes.
It was so cold out today i actually saw a few gangsters with their pants pulled up.