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Relieved to finally get a new microchipped debit card that provides added security to protect the $13.68 in my checking account.
Auctioneers are proof white guys could rap if they tried hard enough.
I just became a professional Counterfeiter, I even have the certificates to prove it.
Bumper stickers are helpful for recognizing members of society you do not want to associate with.
I just saved a ton of $ on Christmas presents by discussing politics on FB.
I could of sworn my pillow`s a hairdreeser...coz I always wake up with the craziest hairstyles!! :D
When I die, I want a cellphone in my coffin…just in case.
Why would I pay someone to scare me at a haunted house when I could just open a can of biscuits at home?
I sure do feel a lot more attractive at Walmart than I do at the gym.
I was being taught to use some machinery today, and I was quizzed as to the rules of it`s use. When asked what the first rule is I responded, "You do not talk about Fight Club."
If it’s the thought that counts, then I should probably be in jail
My parents never allowed violent video games. Just family-friendly board games with questions like, "Who murdered this guy with a pipe?"
Had a bad mixup at the store today. Cashier said strip down facing me. Apparently she meant my credit card.
To hell with the "dislike" button! i think we need a "who cares" button, a "WTF" button and a "STFU!" button. just saying.... Oh and a "lol" button because i just get tired of writing it! lol!
Mirrors don`t lie. Lucky for you, they don`t laugh either.