Daily Silly Status

I can tell exactly how much someone weighs by how much noise they make when I push them down the stairs.

Got an awesome watch for my birthday. It was waterproof, shockproof, fireproof, bulletproof, acidproof, childproof & scratchproof. I lost it already.

I`m so sick and tired of my friends who can`t handle their alcohol. The other night they dropped me 3 times while carrying me to the car.

I was an adult once. Then I opened a Facebook account.

Holy crap! I just realized that I´m still it from a game of tag in 1987.

Going to one of those places where you chop down your own Christmas tree, and then try to get away before they catch you.

Did Humpty Dumpty sue them motherf*ckers for making that wall so high?

I spend 800% of my life exaggerating.

Half of me is a hopeless romantic. And the other half of me is, well, an asshole.

I’ll need a weekend to recover from this weekend.

I`ve seen people tear a phone book in half with their bare hands & I just had to use scissors to open a bagged salad.

I wouldn`t consider myself someone that litters but I do turn on my windshield wipers while im driving down the road to get rid of that useless flyer some idiot put on my car when I quickly run into the store.

Plan to be spontaneous - tomorrow.

I just want you to be happy. And naked.

I like to finish other people’s sentences because my version is better.