Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
“Over my dead body” doesn’t mean “no.” It means I get to do what I want and as a bonus I get to kill you.
A mistress is something between a Mister and a mattress.
Woke up this morning and the alarm clock was laughing at me....then I realized it was upside down and the time was 7:07
A new study says eating sugar will kill you and was conducted by the No Sh!t Sherlock Research Institute.
I`ve had such a bad week First my girlfriend got run over by a bus, then I lost my job.. ..as a bus driver
I`m an optimist. To me, the glass is always half alcohol.
What idiot named it a mugshot instead of a cellfie?
I watched my first porn movie today. I looked so much younger back then...
If the Dollar Store ever starts selling alcohol....drinks are on me.
Why do people say "Tuna Fish sandwich?" That`s like saying "Chicken Bird sandwich."
This beer is making me awesome !! ;)
One of the best ways to prepare for marriage is to wait 15 minutes in your car before going anywhere.
Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers. Nothing bad has happened, but I’m trying to be proactive.
Being healthy is basically dying as slowly as possible
After I drink coffee I show my empty mug to the IT guy and tell him I`ve successfully installed Java. He hates me.