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If you take Viagra with iron supplements it will cause you spin around and point North.
Sometimes, numbers are the only thing you can truely count on.
All my childhood invisible friends are probably doctors and lawyers now.
I must say I enjoy it more when a girl asks me out. To me, there`s nothing more attractive than that high level of confidence, initiative, and poor judgment.
Ever met a boring and stable girl who was good in bed? Exactly.
The color 9 is my favorite letter.
I`ve just woken up, and it appears that Earth is temporarily safe from harm & currently doesn`t need my assistance, so I`m going back to bed.
The problem with marriage is that it was invented when people lived to the ripe old age of 30.
The reason grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup are such a great combination is because they are the same basic ingredients as pizza.
My status would be a lot funnier if you could see my back-up dancers.
When I`m CEO of Subway, employees will no longer be called "sandwich artists." They will be "sub humans."
First rule of Pizza club, you don’t share it.
I spend my weekends farting in libraries and then shushing people that complain.
You can tell Charles Manson really loves his fiancee by the way he hasn`t murdered her
Burglars must love "My Family Stickers". They can wait in front of someone`s house, count the people that leave, and know if they have a dog or not...