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I love the show Gotham....OBSESSED!!! But they constantly have the Twitter hashtag #gotham in the corner of the screen, and I`m always thinking..."No I don`t have ham! But I want ham." Sometimes I miss parts of the showing thinking about the fact that I don`t have ham..... Obviously I need to have ham on the menu every Monday night. #noidontgotham
I`ve tried several times, but I can`t pet a cat without plotting world domination.
I am currently watching the Holy Grail of horror movies. There are 10 minutes left and the black guy is still alive.
So, if I lie to the government, it’s a felony. But if they lie to me its politics?
It may look like I`m doing nothing, but I`m actively waiting for my problems to go away.
Bring a CD into my car that I "have to hear" and I`ll figure out a way to deploy the passenger side airbags
My kids are the reason I wake up every morning. Really freaking early. Every...Single...Morning...
You don’t realize how many people you hate until you have to name a baby or a dog...
My pants are 75% off.
If there is not an open bar and a delicious cake at your wedding, I will take my gift card to Walmart back.
Yeah I`m married, but get one thing straight,,, I do WHAT I want, WHEN I wanhjkjhgfd,, THIS IS SCOTT`S WIFE, HE HAS TO GO NOW, HE SAYS GOODNIGHT.
Only you can prevent bathroom mirror pictures.
I painted a banner for our annual family picnic, but my Mom thought "Celebrating 100 Years of Undiagnosed Mental Illness" was inappropriate.
They say you`ve got to spend money to make money. Feel like there`s some middle step I`ve been missing?
I`d get lost less frequently if GPS would say "no, your other left."