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Stop bitchin about the frigid winter snow. There are kids in Africa who don`t even HAVE weather!
Some days are just not meant to be productive.
There’s nothing better than a nap after a good nights sleep.
A broken clock is right twice a day. I guess what I am saying is, that a broken clock is right more than you.
I enjoy being the black sheep of the family ... Black sheep are the prettiest & don`t show as much dirt as the white ones.
I can`t wait to procrastinate.
Dear person reading this, I could be naked right now and you would never know.
7,000 people were treated in emergency rooms for injuries sustained from fireworks. Don’t be a statistic, let your friend light the fuse
I put my phone on Airplane Mode and now I can`t find it...
Be good to your nieces and nephews. One day you`ll need them to smuggle alcohol into your nursing home.
The Mrs said she we need a "conversation piece" in the living room. I`m thinking taco cart...
Why did the Fresh Prince have to take a cab anyways? How sh!tty was that family that no one would pick him up from the airport?
You’ll never get the same results running in place as you will running from a lion.
Co-worker: My wife`s an angel. Me: You`re lucky, mine`s still alive.
My favorite in-laws are the ones that don`t exist.