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Don’t tell me what to do unless you’re naked.
Im a leader not a follower... unless its a dark place then f*ck that your going first!
I used to be a camera man in the porn industry but it became too hard...
The object of golf.... is to play the least amount of golf.
Great. Trapped in an elevator with a dead body again. Well not exactly dead yet but he`s making noises with his gum
Now that Microsoft`s Steve Ballmer has bought the Clippers, I wonder if he will release a new version every few years that we all hate.
Sorry I can’t make it to your party tonight. I have to get up really early tomorrow afternoon.
The way I figure it, whatever doesn’t kill me has lost it’s chance.
“Shh.. Do you hear that?” “What? I heard nothing.” “Exactly, it’s the sound of no one caring.”
Most meteorologists are men. That`s why when they say we`re going to get 6-8" of snow, we only get 2 or 3.
Just picked the remote up off the floor with my foot while laying on the sofa so I guess today is leg day.
There`s really no telling how successful I could have been if the internet hadn`t been invented...
The nice thing about being single is when you`re setting the silverware, it doesn`t matter which side you put the remote on.
If your pet has its own FB page, it might be time for a reality check...
Microsoft Excel has got to be the worlds worst video game.