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And, yet another day I’ve gone without using calculus.
Teaching your own mother how to use Facebook is like willingly signing your own death warrant
I wish I could afford to be as weird as I wanna be.
Shout out to Pringles for never giving us a half can of air.
Why do restaurants always say "Shirt and Shoes Required" but never say anything about pants?
I love the people in parking lots with "free kittens" signs because I too feel that kittens shouldn`t be oppressed.
"Try to score a goal. Don`t use your hands. See you afterwards." - Soccer coaches
If one of Santa`s helpers takes a picture of himself with his smartphone, is that an "elfie"?
I took out an ad for a girlfriend recently and 10 guys tried to give me theirs.
I think a good gauge of my personality is that I watch Homeland to relax.
Sleep is for the people without access to Internet.
Be thankful for Facebook, the way gas prices are headed we may never actually see each other again.
I love watching The Simpsons. They never get old.
You get wasted, swear to much, and your morals are questionable. You`re everything I`m looking for in a friend.
I liked Hoarders much better when it was called Sanford & Son.