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Some people are more confused then a chameleon in a packet of Skittles.
10 years from now: “Dad, how did you meet mom? Well, your mom had the hottest profile pic…so I had to friend request that.”
If aliens ever attack, I hope they do it in rows of 8, going right and left directly above me. I`m very skilled at shooting aliens this way
I´m playing that game where the floor is made of lava, so I obviously can´t get off the couch or I´ll die.
I`m not funny, I`m just really mean and people think I`m joking.
Why is Charmin trying to get us comfortable with bears? HELLO THEY EAT PEOPLE
If you can´t convince them, confuse them.
Here`s a fun idea: Before your next party or get together, buy some liver and other cuts of meat. Put them in clear containers and put labels on them with random names ("Clarice", "Richard", etc). Then put them in your refrigerator. For even more fun, put some empty containers beside the fridge with your friends` names on them....
I finally saw Kung Fu Panda. I`m certainly not an expert, but I thought the nunchuck scene looked kind of fake.
Bananas are the strippers of the fruit world.
If at first you don’t succeed, try doing it the way I told you to.
I’m going back to sleep. I refuse to give up on my dreams that easily.
Slipped on black ice today, I thought it was regular ice at first, but when I stood up, my wallet was gone.
I’m the type of person who looks at the menu for five minutes but ends up ordering the same exact thing every time.
I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I’m doing.