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Ladies, not every guy who talks to you wants to bang you. Some of us know that you have booze and snacks in your purse.
It`s not so much that I wanted to drink the whole bottle of wine, I just couldn`t figure out how to get the cork back in it.
I`m not lazy I just really enjoy doing nothing!!
Give a kid a Pop Tart and they eat for a day. Teach a kid how to make a Pop Tart and you sleep in all summer
I like my women how I like my straws …. Bendy and full of liquor.
If a man doesn`t drink when he`s living, how in the hell can he drink when he`s dead?
Just ate a whole bag of chips, but it was “reduced fat” so basically it was like going to the gym.
Pouring a bucket of white marbles into the hippo pen will result in a lifetime ban from the zoo no matter how hungry they look.
After a certain point, the `F` on the thermometer no longer stands for Fahrenheit.
I don’t mind going to work. It’s that eight-hour wait to go home that bugs me.
WARNING::World Health Organization says radiation from cell phones may cause cancer. Please text everyone you know about this.
The human body is amazing... You breathe in oxygen and it converts it into sarcasm.
If my ceiling fan could hold my weight, I would never be bored again.
When 12 year old girls call each other honey and sweet heart...
So there`s a t.v. show called, It`s Me or the Dog?.. I was disappointed to find out its not a game show where people guess who farted