Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If you try and don´t succeed, cheat. Repeat until caught. Then lie.
Always bring a nail file, scissors, tweezers, a corkscrew, a toothpick and a bottle opener to a knife fight. - The Swiss Army
Allow me to explain myself via a new communication method I like to call "Interpretive Napping"
Well, if you count Elmer Fudd singing "Kill the Wabbit" then yes, I do like opera.
I need a vacation ... or this fifth of Jack -Me at the liqiour store
What flickering lights mean: 1% electrical problems. 99% demons.
We spend so much money on buying different clothes... without realizing the best moments are spent without clothes
If "The Breakfast Club" were made today, it would be a silent film about 5 kids staring at their phones.
How many Snickers are an acceptable meal replacement?
Clapping: Repeatedly high-fiving yourself for someone else`s accomplishments.
Saying "think outside the box" is a pretty inside the box suggestion.
If the government shutdown effected alcohol or internet porn they`d have this sh!t fixed by tomorrow morning.
Im just waiting for the day for Ashton Kutcher to go to Charlie Sheen and say "its stilll your show. YOU JUST BEEN PUNK`D!"
You know you had a good night when your first call the next morning is from the bank making sure your card wasn`t stolen.
Boyfriend: Why do you watch the Food Network it doesn’t make your cooking any better? Girlfriend: Why do you watch porn?