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Why hasn`t anyone invented a button next to the snooze which emails your boss to say you`re gonna be late?
A birth control pill a day keeps the mini-van away.
People are always weirded out when I take notes during episodes of Dexter.
Wouldn`t it be awesome if MTV had a show called "16 and Applying to Colleges"
If you need time alone, announce that it`s time to clean the house.
Honking your horn won´t make them go any faster, but at least they´ll know that you´re an asshole.
If you don`t like me now, you won`t like me later because I just get worse.
I will be back in 5 minutes, if I am not then please read this again! :D
In grade school it’s called bullying but when you get older it’s referred to as upper level management.
“Hey baby, do you smell that?” “No.” “Me neither, start cooking.”
For over 20 years, I thought Bon Jovi gave love a Band-Aid
I love my six pack abs so much that I cover them with a layer of fat .
All who post weather maps on FB. You know we have the internet too, right??
Back in my day we rode our bikes without helmets and we turned out fine. And you know what else? Back in my day we rode our bikes without helmets and we turned out fine.
"I`ve had so much coffee, I got halfway to work and realized I forgot my car."