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If your dog takes a dump on your floor and you clean it up, who owns who??
If you`re out running in jeans, I`m gonna go ahead and assume you just participated in a felony.
Dear grumpy people: donuts are only $.99
Who knew adulthood would involve so much Advil?
What do you mean this posting of the BBQ ribs you made is not an invite?
Whoever invented self checkout greatly overestimated the general intelligence of the human race.
You can`t Febreze bullshit.
We`re all mature until somebody brings out the bubble-wrap...
Don`t worry, some people are their own punishment in life.
One day I hope to understand the phrase "more money, more problems"
What if there actually is one legit Nigerian millionaire prince who genuinely needs to use your bank account?
Okay, If we get caught here’s the story…
Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers. Nothing bad has happened, but I’m trying to be proactive.
Ok a$$hole, just go around me. I`m already doing 30 over the limit, I`m not speeding up. Stupid car with your stupid flashing lights
My 5 year plan includes purchasing a Slurpee machine.