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Ever check your Facebook early in the morning where you have to close one eye because the screen is too bright?
Running on two hours of sleep I’m either way too happy or violently homicidal.
If anyone tells you that you drink to much on the weekends. Stop talking to them...you don`t need that kind of negativity in your life
I`ve never been as disappointed as my dog just was when she realized the food I dropped was a carrot.
Whoever said imitation is the sincerest form of flattery hasn`t had a 7yo mimicking their every word for the last 10 minutes.
I`m pretty sure some of you just drag your face across the keyboard and hit send.
Dont let facebook fool you we aint friends
Feeding my kid cold pizza. They will be off to college soon and preparation is the key to success.
I’ve been texting so much lately that I move my thumbs from side to side when I’m actually talking to someone.
I hear you`ve been very naughty ... Go to my room!
My wife wrote an email to me saying she was concerned that we have communications issues. I immediately sent an IM asking her to clarify. She messaged me on Facebook saying not to worry but that sometimes we’re not as connected as she’d like. I tweeted her that I love her more than anything. She texted me that she loves me too and sent me a poem on Pinterest explaining how tired she was after a long day of work leading to her email. So I leaned over and kissed her good night.
A "Tap Out" sticker on your mini van still makes it a mini van.
I`m more indecisive than a John in a brothel with gold credit card.
I`m the type of person that will burst out laughing in dead silence over something that happened days ago.
I`d like to thank the person who looked at a buzzing Bee-hive and thought: "Those ba$tards are hiding something delicious in there I know it."