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I see the Seven Deadly Sins as more of a To-Do list.
"There`s nothing sexier than a chick that knows how to work on cars" -Dudes, trying to get us to do that job too.
I just attempted to wash a paper plate if you wonder how much money I have available.
I`ve considered changing career paths and becoming a demolitions expert, but then I hear the education may cost me an arm and a leg.
We have those sticky traps all around the house and I just found one moved clear across the room with all sorts of hair on it....so if anyone see`s a BALD mouse running around, it belongs to me
Yeah, you go ahead and climb that mountain "because it`s there", I am going to eat this Pizza "because it`s here"................................
I`ll show up at the gym when they put in a drive-thru.
Home is where you can say anything you want, because nobody listens to you anyway.
Whenever I weigh myself, I always subtract 10 pounds. I don`t think boobs, brains, and an ass this fabulous should count against me.
If you`re able to roll over in your grave, you should save that energy for yelling and digging.
If you`re in a hole, stop digging...
Sleep is for people with no internet connection.
In my experience, temporary insanity can last a long time.
Balloons are so weird... "happy birthday, here`s a plastic sack of my breath"
A group hug in my family means someone wants to use you as a napkin.