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I bet there are muppets that have thought about shanking Elmo
When choosing a ring tone, always ask yourself, "How embarrassed will I be when this rings in public?"
NERD WEDDING: Instead of saying “I do.” They say “I accept the terms & conditions.”
I thought I wanted to get married again. Then I laughed and remembered why I shouldn`t think.
Commercials led me to believe that changing shampoos would have a much bigger effect on my life.
I spend more time looking in the fridge than I actually do eating.
The kids left w/my parents for a week. I plan to run around the house for an hour yelling "woo hoo", but after that my schedule is wide open
I’m not high maintenance, but rather precious cargo with lavish instruction for upkeep.
I enjoy short walks to the fridge
I`m off to bed. For those of you who wish to add a touch of authenticity to your fantasies, the sheets are pale blue...
Don`t be ashamed of who you are. That`s your parents job.
You`ll all be sorry when I figure out how to breathe fire.
Every family has a plastic bag full of plastic bags.
I was asked what I would give the woman who has everything? Well…my phone number for a start.
My Tupperware lids and single socks are chilling somewhere laughing at me.