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Spinning in circles to get dizzy as a child was my first attempt at getting high.
I hate when I´m laughing & my a$$ falls off.
I wish you could Google anything. Like, "Where is my phone?" and it would be like, "It`s under the couch, dumba$$."
All the coffee beans in South America can`t make me a morning person.
Guuuyyyysssss, never ever play leapfrog with a unicorn.... Its not worth it.....
Male or female, no one f*cks with you if you put your lipstick on like The Joker.
Marriage is just a fancy word for adopting an overgrown male child who can not be handled by his parents anymore.
I`m the opposite of psychic. I don`t even know what I`m thinking! ;)
Home: Where I can look ugly and enjoy it.
There are only two types of honest people in this world.....small children and drunk people.
Not that I expect 100% truth in advertising, but shouldn’t those women in the tampon commercials be wielding chainsaws and burning stuff down, not laughing and dancing?
I`d hit that. - women drivers
I just want to be rich enough to tell my boss, "you`re not the boss of me"!
People always say, "You can`t have your cake and eat it too." I say, "Of course you can. Just make two cakes!"
Dear Cashier, you should stop giving me attitude and acting like you`re job is so complicated and stressful....Self-Checkout has proven that pretty much Anyone can do your job.