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I like to dump Skittles in the toilet and then flush it because it looks like a little tiny NASCAR race.
Is it just me, or do mirrors look really sexy?
I got pulled over for drunk driving last night. In my defense I didn`t even know I was driving.
My favorite breed of dog? Good question, thanks for asking. Either a corndog or a hotdog.
I’ve realized I get ridiculously nervous driving behind semi’s or trucks carrying sh!t that could fall out and impale me all because of final destination 2.
Accidentally walking through the camping aisle at Target every once in a while is about as outdoorsy as I get.
I need u to do me a favor... Stand in front of my car please... I need to test my brakes :)
Is it wrong to ask someone with an eye patch "Was it all fun and games up to that point?"
If I owned a copy shop, I’d only hire identical twins to work there.
"Wow! That Lean Cuisine really filled me up!" ... said no one, ever.
Don’t start an argument with a girl because they have 45030194 GB memories and will bring up something you did at 2:27PM on April 23rd 2008.
Some girls post the most depressing love sh!t that even I`m starting to miss their ex!!!
Avoid hangovers: stay drunk ;)
Saw a wasp in a spider web and I don`t know who to root for.
Hey you! Yea you ... Don`t just pass by my status and not say hi.