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If I work up the courage to tell you I love you...the least you can do is introduce yourself to me dammit.
“Over my dead body” doesn’t mean “no.” It means I get to do what I want and as a bonus I get to kill you.
Well today I turned 26, not because I wanted to, but only because Facebook limits how many times you can actually change your birth year !
Some people are like clouds. When they disappear, it’s a brighter day.
The only thing preventing me from smashing my alarm clock at 6am is the fact that it’s my cellphone.
All`s not lost my Friends. It won`t be long til people realize Selfie Sticks also make wonderful lightning rods......
Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding.
I`m not sayin you are stupid, I just said that you have bad luck when you`re thinking.
Why am I always right but people still ignore me...?
Don’t let anyone tell you how to live your life! Unless you’re an idiot. In that case, please listen carefully.
A recent study found that the average American walks about 900 miles a year. Another study found that Americans drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year. That means that, on average, Americans get about 41 miles to the gallon!
Make BIG mistakes in life. Those people are remembered forever. On Youtube.
If you`re "just sayin", then just shut the hell up.
If you had to choose between your significant other and a million dollars, what`s the first thing you`d buy?
If you have to tell us that you`ve been going to the gym, you probably need to go more often....