Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Sometimes I like to go to the hardware store and run around with a screwdriver shouting, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is not a drill!"
My neighbours were listening to some pretty cool music until the a$$holes asked me to turn it down.
Puttin the `eff it` in efficient today.
Girls here is an idea.. instead of spending that much money on make up just buy your guy a bottle of Jack Daniels.
Hang out with different people everyday so the only person who knows you`ve been wearing the same outfit all week is you.
So this guy with a premature ejaculation problem comes out of nowhere.
Billion dollar idea: A phone that charges using body fat!
The human body can survive three weeks without food, three days without water but only three hours without wifi.
Spent morning at the farmers market carefully selecting fruits and vegetables to throw away next Saturday.
If you’ve gauged huge holes in your ears and don’t keep Oreo cookies in them for snacks then what the hell’s the point man?
I find that some of the best jokes are the ones that drag you in slowly and then leave you waiting in antici...
Excellent Group Ice Breaker: Do you think sailors feel pressured to swear?
The light does go out in the fridge ... Now I have to wait for someone to let me out.
The fact that you don’t find me amazing doesn’t bother me at all, it just confirms what I have suspected all along; that you have bad taste.
Ask.com is useless............they have no idea where I put my car keys either