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Your life must really suck when no one even likes the catfish version of you.
I wonder if "Sober Me" knows that "Drunk Me" can Breakdance?
Sometimes I don`t go big just so I can go home.
Who was the greatest prostitute in history? Ms. Pac Man, for 25 cents that bitch would swallow balls til she died!
Okay, I can`t take it anymore. What in the hell holds the blocks up in Mario Brothers?
You know what’s funny? Lot’s of sh!t. Loosen up already.
Does Facebook have a “You’re not smart enough to be talking about politics” button?
A touching letter by a little girl to Santa on Christmas: Dear Santa, Please give clothes to all those poor ladies in daddy`s laptop
My husband and I are having a serious fight. Do you think I should let him know about it?
Girls with tattoos on your tits, Why? We`re already looking at them.
Can I have your number or do you just want the 8 dollars for the drink?
Inspiration: nobody else knows what the hell they’re doing either.
When suffering from insomnia I either count sheep or ask my girlfriend how her day was.
The biggest lie I tell myself is: “I don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember it.”
Dear karma, I have a list of people you missed.