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Million dollar idea: Duck Dynasty chia pets.
One good thing about being ugly is that when someone stares at you for too long you automatically know they wanna rob you.
Maybe vodka is addicted to me
The phrase, “Don’t take this the wrong way” has a zero percent success rate.
Remember the good old days when LOL meant "Laugh out loud" and not "I can`t think of a good reply"?
Like my therapist always says, "I`m not your therapist, you`re just laying on a couch in Ikea"
When I got divorced, we split the house. I got the outside....
Find a penny pick it up and all day long you`ll have good luck. Or some kind of virus because pennies are dirty and gross.
Ever get out of the shower and not remember getting a towel ready but its there anyway? You`re welcome.
If you come to myspace and twitter about my yahoo, can I google over your facebook?
According to my nipples, there is a 99% chance it`s cold as hell right now!
They say you are what you eat, though... I don`t recall eating a sexy beast today
Word of the day is bishop: My aunt fell down the stairs and I had to pick the bishop.
There is no better sunscreen than sitting in a bar.
Square box. Round pizza. Triangle slices. I`m Confused.