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Don`t do anything you`re not prepared to explain to a paramedic...
Don`t talk to me about disappointment. I had lots of adults tell me they were gonna "fix my little red wagon" yet here it sits with a broken wheel still
My spirit animal is that chicken who keeps crossing the road for reasons no one can figure.
I don`t eat a high fiber diet to be healthier, I eat so I`ll have to $hit more at work.
They keep saying the right person will come along, I think mine got hit by a truck.
There aren`t enough love songs about the moment you see your luggage appear at baggage claim.
Damn…I’m having an out of money experience.
I don`t know who you are, but if you don`t stop sending me phone books, I will find you.....and I will smack you with it
I’m not so much goofing off as impersonating upper management.
How can there be more horses asses than there are horses?
I need to start setting an alarm to go to bed.
Whenever a stranger asks our baby’s name, I always say he hasn’t told us yet.
People were shocked when they found I wasn`t a good electrician. :-)
The cop said it was an outstanding warrant, dad! And you said I`d never amount to anything...
Whenever I want a klondike bar I just pay for it.