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These peopele at the gym are looking at me like they expect me to share my donuts ... SMH
Sorry, I was not paying attention. I was thinking about having sex with you.
My hair looks amazing today. I hope I see everybody I hate.
OMG, you`re huge! There`s no way you`ll fit inside me.- My clothes probably.
The funny moment when a fat kid says "that`s how I roll".
Giving people the finger while driving just isn`t effective. Which is why I had the catapult installed.
Get ahead of myself. Sometimes I
Of course everyone deserves a 2nd chance, but I gave yours to someone else.
Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes and sighing heavily and crossing her arms and holding in a fart.
Try trick or treating in spandex... I`ve seen how much it can hold.
My dinner stomach is full, but my dessert stomach still has room.
When people say they work like a dog, I look at mine and think they must mean they just lay around all day and poop wherever they feel like.
I’ve found that the things I’m most interested in aren’t really in my best interest.
How do you make your wife scream during sex?? Call her and tell her about it.
It’s a status….not your diary…