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Pornography only gets called by its full name when it`s in trouble too.
Little to no thought was put into this status.
I`m beginning to think the only reason I buy bananas is to watch them die a painful death on my counter.
You can`t find happiness at the bottom of a beer ... Well no kidding, who is happy when their beer runs out.
I`m not insulting you, I`m describing you.
Just so I`m sure to make friends, I like to walk in the bar carrying a handful of phone chargers.
Sad Fact- Boobie traps seldom involve boobies.
I hate when my friends stand so close to me when pictures are being taken. It`s like they don`t know I plan on cropping them out later.
I’m starting to think we as a society may be trying to do too much with the Dorito.
I found my first grey pubic hair today. Normally things like this don`t bother me, but it was in my Big Mac.
Black, white, gay, straight, Christian, Jewish... It doesn`t matter. It`s all good. But a Pepsi drinker...
I didn’t say “what?” because I can’t hear you. I was giving you a chance to change what you said.
Sometimes I wish my dog could talk…then I remember all the things he has seen me do when I’m alone.
Mirror mirror on the wall, I am sexy; screw you all.
If cats could text you back, they wouldn`t.