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The high cost of livin ain`t nothin like the cost of livin high
When you go to buy fire insurance for your house, don`t tell them you need it by a certain date.
I keep myself in just good enough shape to outrun most women and small children during emergencies.. :|
The Internet: An electronic version of, "Now, why did I walk into this room?"
All milk is breast milk.
My sleep number is 151 ... Bacardi 151
Which nipple does the red jumper cable go on again?
Maybe America will believe in global warming if we make it a Snapple Fact.
My neighbour has diabetes and now she won`t make me cupcakes anymore, its like bad things always happen to me.
My friends always use to say, "there`s plenty of fish in the sea." But looks like I ignored their advice and ended up marrying a whale.
Going to a bar where "everybody knows your name" sounds terrifying.
If you cannot FACE your problem, then the problem is your FACE.
No means no! Unless she`s dyslexic; then it`s on!
Your clothes are making me extremely uncomfortable. Please, take them off.
Hell is having a married couple tell you a story at the same time.