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And for my next magic trick, I`ll walk down a street and turn into a bar.
I should run for political office just to see what kind of scandalous dirt they dig up. It would be nice to piece together my twenties.
I would explain it to you again, but I am fresh out of puppets and crayons.
Out of all the lies I`ve ever told, "Just kidding" is my favorite.
Hate is too powerful an emotion to waste on somebody you don`t even like.
If a woman asks if you "notice anything new" tell her "I do, your beauty surprises me every day." Then continue thinking about velociraptors
Life is Hard; it’s harder if you’re stupid.
The more photos you have to untag, the better the weekend was.
I can`t find my happy place this morning, mind if I goto yours
Just completed a 0.00 mile run - preceded by 11 oreo cookies
My laptop has a Miley Virus. It`s stopped twerking.
I thought `Pokemon` was a Jamaican Porn... My bad...
Sometimes I send status updates from my phone so it looks like I left the house.
Sometimes I think "Screw this ... I`ll just be a stripper!"
Alright, I give up! I`ve listened to the song like 50 times now, and I still don`t know what the fox is saying!