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I’m starting to think that the gym isn’t really for me. I went this morning and laid down on the mat to do some sit-ups. I woke up 2 hours later.
Fun game: Borrow some tools from your neighbor and return them one by one covered in blood, until they move...
I enjoy long romantic walks to the fridge.
I`m dreaming of a white Christmas. But if the white runs out I`ll pop open the red and drink that.
I found out last night that the only thing worse than waking up 3 times to pee is sleeping right through it.
anyone celebrating anything today? Anything at all... doesn`t matter what. I just need something to drink to.
You know it`s cold outside when during rush hour you get the mitten instead of the finger.
Good judgment comes from bad experience, and most of that comes from bad judgment...
Word for today: Dipshidiot
Whoever invented grass must be a billionaire that stuff is everywhere
Ever notice how it`s never your successful friends posting inspirational quotes?
Time to try some of this candy from the Easter "bunny"... Can`t trust anything you find laying in the yard these days.
My mother is my travel agent for guilt trips.
I`m hungry, but I`m not `cook something` hungry.
I’ve spent way too much of my life wondering why food doesn’t rhyme with good.