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I wanna see Mythbusters do the bible.
I`m not bothered if someone likes me or Not. Even Angels are hated by Demons.
Son to mom: why should I sweep the floor? Mom to son: do you want to be an Olympic Curl champion?
[the instructor clearly frustrated with me on first day of veterinary school] "It doesn`t matter if its a dog, it`s still called a cat scan"
Just ONCE, I`d like to look deep into your beautiful eyes, and make hot sweet love with you without some pop-up window ruining the mood.
I walked into the bar sober with $42 & walked out drunk with $42. But you`re right fellas, men are smarter than women.
Coworker: What did you do this weekend? Me: Dug holes in the woods. And that is how you get people to shut up.
How did Mexico keep enough people from crossing the border to field a full soccer team?
I get worried when someone posts a kitten pic with a foreign language, I don`t know if they`re showing a cute kitty pet or their dinner.
I`m looking up in the sky and I have no idea which cloud has all my data
If your girl sets her Facebook relationship status to “Widowed”, it’s time to pack a suitcase as fast as possible.
The difference between cheating on your wife and cheating on your taxes is if you tell the truth, the IRS still wants to f*ck you.
Yes I stalk you, but only as a friend.
Do not keep all your work for tomorrow, always remember you can also do it the day after tomorrow.. Be lazy, Think crazy.
I scream. You scream. The police come ... It`s awkward ;)