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Whoever named the seesaw probably didn’t get another chance to name stuff.
We may be an advanced nation but we still have to remind employees to wash their hands when they pee.
Whenever someone invites me to their home and I see more than 3 cars parked outside, I keep driving just in case it`s an intervention.
if your happy and you know it ---thank your ex
Most of you like waking up in the morning to see the "comments" and "likes" that your status received. I like waking up in the morning to see WTF I posted!
If women ruled the world, There would be no wars. just a bunch of counties not talking to each other!
Don`t waste my timeline.
The pharmacist asked me my birthday again today. Pretty sure she’s going to get me something.
The key to a woman`s heart is making her laugh...just make sure she`s not laughing at the size of your junk.
If someone doesn`t return your texts, relax and remember they`re probably just busy not liking you.
Do these people in movies who wander off into the woods alone at night not watch movies?
Please don`t mistake my personality for flirting. Just because I`m awesome doesn`t mean I like you.
If you can`t read the bottom of the eye chart, spell something dirty. Eye doctors love that sh!t.
Just seen a homeless dude with a sign that said "too ugly to prostitute."
Filling out a job application. Under "Military Experience" I put that I once went commando for 4 days in a row.