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I always like to keep a nice photo of myself for my Facebook profile pic because that is the picture that will be splashed all over the news when I finally go off the deep end.
The high cost of livin ain`t nothin like the cost of livin high
Got a little too much sun today. I knew I should have closed the blinds.
Liking something on Facebook instead of commenting is like nodding at someone in an elevator instead of saying hello.
I am the bestest at the English language...
?"I hate when people come to MY house, knock on MY door, and then give me the "why aren`t you wearing pants" look."
Life is what you make it = 10% Shit happens = 90%
No, Iām not funny. Iām just really mean and everyone thinks Iām joking.
Don`t talk to me until I`ve had my coffee, my breakfast, lunch, juice, dinner, and at least two glasses of wine.
The closest I`ve ever come to eating better is eating butter.
I`ve said it before and I`ll say it again: it before
I hate people who take drugs......like the police.
My credit card company called. They want me to leave home without it.
Iām jealous of a book character for having sex with another character but sure come ask my advice about your marriage.
The best government job has to be assigning names to secret operations.