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It`s what`s on the inside that counts... *Except chocolate covered raisins.
I get in this weird mood where I don`t want to talk to anybody and just want to be left alone. I call this mood `Awake`
The only dates I get are updates.
So I didn`t want to wake up this morning and go to work. It`s not that I don`t like my job, it`s just that I like being lazy more.
I bought a used UPS truck. It gets bad gas mileage but I can park anywhere.
Life was much easier when apples and blackberries were fruits&& not phones
When one door closes and another one opens, it`s time to pack up and leave because your house is clearly haunted.
I`m not crazy, but I am a carrier.
Give a man a jacket, and he will stay warm when he goes outside. Teach a man to jack it, and he won`t go outside at all.
Hopefully because of social networking, I`ve tarnished my reputation enough for anybody to ever place me in a role of great responsibility.
When I die, I want a cellphone in my coffin...just in case
Shout out to all the girls who don`t have to dress half naked to get a mans attention. Stay classy! And the rest of you come with me.
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes the reason is that you’re ignorant and make bad decisions.
Are oranges named orange because they’re orange or is orange called orange because oranges are orange?
Cactuses are just heavily armed cucumbers.