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I feel like a piece of corn in the digestive tract of life ~ I`m going through a lot of crap but I`m sure I`ll come out whole.
I wish I would of asked if she believed in sex after marriage
No one asks the tough questions, like why are drug dealers on the metric system?
whenever i`m bored I just expect at any moment for the Koolaid man to break through my wall and take me on a deliciously refreshing adventure!
I have never walked toward the exit of a supermarket without nervously wondering if I`ve stolen something.
My number one rule to live by is: Don’t die.
I eat tacos over a tortilla so that way when stuff falls out Boom another taco.
I’m just SOOO busy. I spend 70% of my day telling people how busy I am and the other 30% trying to make myself look REALLY REALLY busy.
Today is National Fritters Day. I don`t know what that means, so I just went naked today. Gotta be something like that.
Setting the alarm clock proves I`m capable of making the same mistake every day.
Baking soda seems like a scam. "Be sure to keep this box of magic white powder in the back of your refrigerator."
My dad use to take me to the circus to see the clowns, freakshows and the bearded lady. Now... I can see them anytime shopping at Walmart.
My kid go from "omg...you`re impossible I can`t wait until I`m 18!" To "You`re the best mom ever" in a matter of $100
I mostly use Facebook to remember why I stopped hanging out with certain people.
A penny for your thoughts, Five bucks if they’re naughty.