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I carry a knife, but it’s just in case of cake.
Simmer down joggers running in place at a stop light, simmer down.
I was thinking earlier, thats all, just wanted everyone to know that it does happen from time to time........
Don`t hate me because I think I`m beautiful.
I just watched a puppy do something really cute. It was like a real life YouTube video.
Apparently somebody gets stabbed every 52 seconds...sucks to be that guy
Shopping at the Dollar Tree makes me feel rich and poor at the same time
You laugh because I`m different ........... I laugh because I farted.
Just because someone`s richer or more famous or talented doesn`t mean they`re happy. It just means they`re happier than YOU.
My level of sarcasm has reached a dangerous level where even I don`t know if I`m kidding or not.
Pro Tip: If you are under the age of 35, don`t get married. If you are over 35, don`t get married. If you are 35, don`t get married.
Clapping: Repeatedly high-fiving yourself for someone else`s accomplishments.
At this point Washington DC is basically just an elaborate promotional stunt for Grand Theft Auto V.
"Oh!Look The Smurfs Grew Up!"Grandma those are Avatars." -_-
Leave a comment if you`ve started drinking. Hit the `Like` button if you`re already sh!tfaced. *Cheers*