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"Man, you know your bible verses forwards and backwards" - said no one ever
Cubic Zirconium`s slogan should be: Guys can fake it too!
Maybe it`s the washer and not the dryer that steals the socks.
I don`t really work, I just kinda stand around and be awesome.
I do what I want, when I want, where I want. If my wife says it`s okay.
Hey, how long are you supposed to chase someone after they steal your wallet? Cause I`m getting tired of running and he`s catching up to me.
Don`t put off for tomorrow what you can do today, because if you enjoy it today you can do it again tomorrow.
Not sure yet why this cookie dough has baking instructions on the package.
The best part about going to Wal-Mart is having the book aisles all to yourself.
This century is already 15% over.
Fat, single and ready for a Pringle.
I just sent out my daily text to a random number saying "I hit Zack with my truck. I`m going to need to use your hacksaw to cut him up.
I hate brushing my teeth at night because that signifies that you cant have anymore food and im just never ready for that kind of commitment
I accidentally did yoga once when I couldn`t reach the toilet paper.
I`d rather be someone`s shot of whiskey than everyone`s cup of tea.