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I want to spend the rest of my life photo bombing the Google street view camera shots dressed as Waldo.
My car is so old the high beam switch is on the floor...
(For women only) Wants to go on the Maury Povich show and hear, "You are NOT the mother!"
I know I have a long way to go but look at how far I`ve come.
Funniest thing ever heard on TV. "Ward, you were a little hard on the Beaver last night"
I`m not as smart as I used to be but then again you can`t stay a teenager all of your life.
If you need some help at Home Depot and are being ignored, get on one of their step ladders
Some of the best decisions I`ve ever made involved me clicking cancel instead of send
GIRLS: To make a guy panic, simply ask, " Notice anything different?`... works EVERY time
The average human uses less than 10 percent of the remote.
The only time I proof read is to see how much alcohol comes in a bottle.
If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck and looks like a duck then it could be a dragon doing a duck impersonation.
Keep reaching for the stars but please get a better deodorant.
I almost forgot to upload a pic of my Starbucks coffee. What a waste of coffee that would have been!
Baby Polar Bear: Mommy, am I really a Polar Bear? Mother: Of course you are. Why? Baby Polar Bear: `Cause I`m fukcing freezing!"