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Will be drunk until further notice.
If you bend over and place your ear next to a girls vagina , you can clearly hear her say "WTF are you Doing!"
I`d say that 6:30 is the best clock time, hands down.
When does paying taxes get shut down? Asking for everyone with a job.
I’m going to the gym because I heard they have free weights. I wonder how many they’ll let me take?
If you`ve lost your appetite today, I think I have it.
Apparently there is no age limit on ignorance.
I bet people don’t understand that I’m joking 800% of the time.
i just peed so hard that I laughed a little bit
"Mounting debt" sounds way sexier than it is.
The only reason I keep my land line is for the eventuality that this is The Matrix.
Given how enormous the universe is, I assume there’s an alien out there who does a mocking impression of me. Screw you, alien.
Does shaking the vending machine count as working ...
I`d love to drown my problems... I just can`t get my spouse to go swimming!
You lost your phone and it`s on silent? Too bad. If you liked it then you should`ve put a ring on it.