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To be truthful,,, I have never unrolled a sleeping bag and been able to roll it back up any smaller than the size of a garage.
Everything you paid $50,000 to learn in college is now on the Internet for free.
I`m starting to think that the Facebook status update I liked has had absolutely no influence on Government policy at all.
In light of recent events, I have no choice but to deduct a full star from my Yelp review of Earth.
Thank you Lord for this delicious meal we are about to Instagram.
I`m surprised more killers haven`t lured their victims into their houses by blind folding them and promises of being on a febreze commercial
Ever get out of the shower and not remember getting a towel ready but its there anyway? You`re welcome.
If Facebook changed "poke" to "stab" I would use it all the time.
My key to happiness is probably lost somewhere in the junk drawer.
Do they have to play movies so loud at the theatre? I litterally have to scream into my phone.
My relationship is mostly me apologizing for saying something super bada$$ and hilarious
To be honest, I´m just fishing for compliments tonight.
Fat, single and ready for a Pringle.
I would unfriend you but I enjoy laughing at your life.
At least I know it wasn`t just me that was wondering if the cashier was a man or a woman. I just wish that my 5 year old didn`t ask.