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Sometimes I speak in a different font but no one ever notices.
Iām a really down to earth guy because, you know, gravity.
I hate it when people come to MY house, knock on MY door then have the nerve to ask me why I`m not wearing pants.
Perfect relationships exist in thoughts, movies, and Facebook timelines.
Unless its inappropriately, don`t f*cking touch me.
Facebook prank #23 Go in everynight and change your birthday to the next day...then see how long it takes for people to catch on....
I have enough leftover Halloween candy to get me to leftover Valentine`s Day candy time.
Learn a lesson from your dog. No matter what life brings you, kick some grass over that crap and move on.
Asking a girl what exactly she looks for in a guy is like asking her "what exactly do I have to do to get friendzoned?
Girl says to her Blonde friend, I slept with a Brazilian man last night. The Blonde replies: OMG you SLUT! How many is a Brazilian??
Life is just like a p@nis: Simple, relaxed and hanging freely, It`s the women who make it hard.
LIKE if you hide your favorite food from your family
Very little scares me. So does very big.
Golf is such a strange game. You shout four, shoot six, and write down five.
I don`t go on Facebook much so Dave, if you`re seeing this, thanks for the invite to your 2007 New Year`s party, hope you had fun dude.