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Never sit down in front of the computer while having breakfast because when you get up it’ll be dinner time.
The adult version of Operation is trying not to break a tortilla chip while dipping it into a jar of salsa.
Apparently, I did not use enough a$$hole repellent today
Just ordered a Fitbit and my bank called to see if my card was stolen.
I assume people with dark tinted windows pick their nose more aggressively than the rest of us.
The only real difference between my 20s and my 30s is that now I make all my bad decisions before midnight.
often rambles on and on about this and that seeming to be heading towards a point but really just blabbing about nothing.
I don’t know why Tampax and Hershey have not joined forces yet. Taping a pack of Reese’s to a box of tampons could literally save lives.
We get it people on Facebook. You`re married, you have kids, you`re happy. Calm down.
If you respond to coworkers asking how your weekend was with turkey noises, they leave you alone.
Rough day! I have now completed the top 6 things off my to-do list ... Time to go get another six pack I guess.
homework wont kill me, but why take the risk!
I just got an email telling me how I can have fuller, firmer breasts. I can`t wait to show them to my wife!!
Heck, I can tell which people are really judgmental just by looking at them.
I`m a little Stressed right now ... Just turn around and leave quietly and no one gets hurt.