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Life was much simpler when we could play a friendly game of Red Rover and just clothesline the people we didn’t like.
I didn’t sign up for the 401k at work, because there’s no way I can run that far.
I`m confused, oh wait, maybe I`m not.
Checked a lot off my thought-about-doing-today list.
Dyslexics of the world.. UNTIE!
My wife and I decided not to have children. The kids are taking it pretty hard.
Do you know what’d look good on you? Me
OH I´m sorry! I didn´t realise you were giving me a dirty look. I just thought you were ugly like that all the time!
I am a drinker ... Hear me pour
Pay no attention to the device around my ankle.
If you want people to know where you stand, wear the same socks for a week
I have decided to stop exercising and just learn Photoshop.
Why are there never any good side effects? Just once I`d like to read a medication bottle that says, "May cause extreme sexiness".
The Kids today just don`t appreciate the colors and flavors of Dial soap like I do
I asked my girlfriend why she never tells me when she orgasms. She said she doesn`t like phoning me at work.