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I hate situations where I have to acknowledge the people I had been successfully ignoring.
my wish for tonight is for the person reading this status to have a Good Night!
All things being considered......half of your friends are below average.
Texting totally changes your perception of how long stoplights are.
Guess what I saw today? ... Everything I looked at.
I have a fear of speed bumps, but I`m slowly getting over it.
Iām not getting old. Iām becoming a classic.
I like candle lit dinners, romantic walks on the beach, and hardcore pornography.
Putting on deoderant and colonge because you haven`t showered in days, is as about as useful as shutting the lid on a toilet after its overflowing.
And all this time I thought a chickpea was when women went to the bathroom in groups.
Hell hath no fury like a hungry me.
It`s not my official job but basically all I do is piss people off.
I would want to change my name to `Nobody` on Facebook. So when someone updates something stupid it says `Nobody likes this`
I have two words for this week. BEER ME!!!
Nothing says you mean business more than putting on a bib before you eat a girl out