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is about to stick a pin in your voodoo doll... brace yourself.
Don`t judge if you don`t know me. Unless you`re making my pizza & you say "This guy looks like he wants extra cheese" then please do..
The good thing about being tall is, you can`t get lost in a crowd. The bad thing is, you can`t get lost in a crowd.
Change is hard. Seriously, have you ever bit a nickel?
It`s funny to watch all these people Bumping Up their own posts.
Well that`s a wrap on another day where I act like I know what I`m doing.
If you were home alone in the middle of the night, and you heard a fart, would you laugh or be scared.
How funny is it when you’re telling somebody a made-up story and someone says “Oh yeah I heard about that”?
I got passed by a Prius on the Interstate and now I’m legally required to pee sitting down.
I hate it when I think I`m buying organic vegetables and I get home to discover they`re just regular doughnuts.
Golf ball sized hail wouldn`t be as destructive if we just made golf balls a lot smaller.
I hate when I get to the office and there isn’t a smoking crater where the building is.
Why do single people take advice from other single people? That’s like Stevie Wonder giving Ray Charles driving directions
I`d stop disappointing you, if you stopped expecting me to do stuff.
I dont run from my problems, I chase them ... with alcohol