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Apparently sleeping your way to the top doesn`t mean dozing off in meetings or taking naps in the copier room.
I can`t believe it`s been a year since I didn`t become a better person....
I wonder how police on bikes arrest people. “Alright, get in the basket”
I bet if the movie "mirrors" releases part 3, the 1st victim will die while trying to take a selfie
Yes it may sound childish but if it glows in the dark I still get freaking exited.
Next time you are in a restaurant, give this a thought. The fork you are using has been in the mouth of hundreds of people. Now look at the people eating right by you. Scary, right?
If your boyfriend answers your text while playing GTA, he doesn`t love you. He just died on the game.
Dudes get one chest or arm tattoo and suddenly forget to wear shirts.
Due To ObamaCare and the poor economy Holiday Cheer this year will be distributed in Shot Glasses...
I could defuse a bomb if it sounded like an alarm clock and I was sleeping.
Nintendo should handle education, I don’t remember half the crap from high school but I know all of Super Mario World’s secrets.
It must be very hard to be a Nigerian lawyer who specializes in international inheritance law.
A sheep spends it`s entire life fearing the wolf only to be eaten by the Shepherd.
If I’ve learned anything from these ghost hunter shows, it’s that everyone speaks English after they die.