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Spread happiness by smiling at a stranger today...or flash them your boobs. Strangers love boobs!
I will do a lot of things but admitting I`m cold to my wife who told me to bring a warmer jacket isn`t one of them...
I don`t play sports, the only sport I play is shopping. But there`s a lot of walking involved in that. Running sometimes if there`s a sale.
The older I get .... The more dangerous it is to sneeze
I`ve never been skydiving, but I`ve zoomed in on Google Earth really, really fast.
I keep having this recurring nightmare that lasts 8 hours a day, Monday through Friday.
If you believe in reincarnation then your tombstone should say “b.r.b” instead of “r.i.p”.
Moving all my retirement funds into a Colorado snack machine franchise.
The first sign of laziness:
Facebook: Wasting peoples lives since 2004
You haven`t truly made it on YouTube until someone recognizes you in the unemployment line and asks for your autograph.
If someone asks for advice, just tell em to follow their heart. No idea what that sh!t means but at least they`re not talking to you anymore.
My friend told me he`s going to have a sex change. Apparently, he just wants to eat, drink, and be Mary.
Apparently "whiskey and wild women" is not an acceptable answer when asked what your weaknesses are during a job interview.
I know I am an acquired taste. If you don`t like me, you need to acquire some taste. Or go f*ck yourself. Whichever.