Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Birthdays back then: Wow! Look at all these presents!. Birthdays now : Wow damn look at all these notifications!.
I know that no means no, but that`s about the extent of my Spanish.
I don`t want to be bothered with stupid $h!t today. What is stupid $h!t? Anything I don`t want to be bothered with.
Moms birthday is next week. I can’t find a card that says “I wish you loved me more than vodka.”
If I pat you on the back, there`s a 99% chance that I`m only using you as a napkin
I know I`m an adult now, but I still hold out hope that money will fall out of every card I get.
I`m Not Single. I am romantically challenged
Do gun manuals haue a trouble shooting section?
So bored at work I can`t even think of something to goggle
okay it was me..... I did it ..... I let the dogs out
When I think of a selfie, I`m not sure it`s the same thing you`re thinking of
If Monday was a movie, it would be very long and boring.
Strange new trend at work. People putting names on food in the company fridge. Yesterday I ate a tuna sandwich named Jennifer.
Nothing says " My divorce didn`t go as planned " quite like the guy with grocery bags hanging on the sides of his bicycles handlebars
Why do people with bad breath always have to tell me secrets??