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if there wasn´t a last minute I´d never get anything done.
I`ve found that the best web designers in the world are spiders.
Men are trained from birth that happiness comes from either boobs or a bottle.
I hope to get to the point in my life where I`m not excited about finding change on the ground.
Sitting in the cinema, ready to watch the movie, then BOOM! The human giraffe sits in front of you
What are nuts on a wall? Walnuts. What are nuts on the chest? Chestnuts. What are nuts against a chin? Blow job.
Give a man a fish and chances are you won`t be asked to be in charge of buying a gift "from all of us" anymore.
I`m so broke right now that if someone tried to rob me, they`d just be practising..
Ironing boards are just surf boards that gave up their dreams and got real jobs.
If you work on a farm and your job is to take care of chickens, you are a chicken tender.
Alcohol is never the answer, unless the question is, "why were you barely conscious on the kitchen floor eating dog food?"
I was trying to think of something really deep to post on Facebook this morning. The Mariana Trench comes to mind.
Just remember, outside of that beautiful slim bride on her wedding day there’s a fat woman just waiting to get in.
Creativity is great, but plagiarism is faster.
Square box. Round pizza. Triangle slices. I`m Confused.