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I may not be the best looking, wittiest, smartest or even the most successful person. I forget where I was going with this...
I`m not sure what post it was that caused me to lose 2 more Facebook friends today, but if I find out which one it was I will make sure to post it again....
Attn Single people: If marriage was so great, there would be 6 people on the internet right now.
Based on how many times I`ve dropped my phone, I`m gonna hold off on the whole baby thing.
Making mirrors look good, since 1972
You haven`t truly made it on YouTube until someone recognizes you in the unemployment line and asks for your autograph.
You can never really say `what`s on your mind` when you have family members on your Facebook.
If my body is EVER found dead on a designated jogging trail.. Just know I was murdered elsewhere and dumped there.. :|
Being ‘clean and sober’ means I’ve showered and I’m headed to the liquor store.
The Braille on the drive-thru ATM actually says, "Move to the passenger seat"
Missed connection: I was a 15 year old boy, you were 1984 Madonna.
So who the heck ever buys the middle grade of gasoline?
Save some time and just put your Taco Bell directly in the toilet.
Just took the batteries out of my smoke detector to use in my TV remote control. Dont judge me .. It´s Sunday.
Don`t let anyone call you an "underachiever". If they knew you, they`d know how amazing it is that you`ve managed to accomplish anything.