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Life is harder for the beautiful people. I’m sorry you’ll never know.
You don`t see faith healers working in hospitals, just like you don`t see psychics winning the lottery every week.
A friend of mine asked what it`s like to raise a small toddler so I coughed directly in his mouth
363 shopping days `til Christmas and some people already have their lights up.
Pretty cool how the internet lets you stay connected with people you haven`t seen in years and silently judge them on a daily basis.
Why do blurry people always ask me if I’m drunk?
One of my biggest fears is that my car secretly records me singing.
The problem with kleptomaniacs is that they take things so literally.
Sleep is for the people without access to Internet.
I get my cardio from caffeine...
Take my advice, I’m not going to use it.
If history has taught us anything, it`s that reheated french fries are gross.
If you go to dinner alone always ask for a table for two. Look sad as you eat and you will almost always get a free dessert
if your dirty, your dirty... you cant fix it
I’m so glad I was young and stupid before there were camera phones.