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Who else has dropped the phone on their face while laying in bed reading Facebook?
Are the ATF and border patrols also shutdown? Asking for a Mexican friend....
Hiding from people at parties is my cardio.
I started seeing this girl recently. She sometimes texts. Sometimes Whatsapps. Sometimes she emails. Sometimes she Facebooks. Im getting mixed messages.
if money grew of trees, girls would be dating monkeys
What`s a burnt pizza, frozen beer, & a pregnant girl have in common? In each scenario, there`s a dumb guy who didn`t take it out in time.
This sushi restaurant has the worst service. "Sir, this is an aquarium"
If anyone is looking for an unlicensed helicopter pilot give me a call. . .
"The more the merrier": My excuse for extra food.
My mind says go to the gym but my heart says food.
I liked your facebook update, only so I can unlike it.
It’s getting really annoying how eating makes you gain weight..
I can`t believe people used to have to paint selfies.
My house is not a mess. It`s just that everything is on display for your viewing pleasure. Like a museum.
I look forward to paying off all my debt so I can get back to just being broke