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I have a condition that prevents me from going on a diet ... I get hungry.
what does bgif mean on a friday night ? ... boobs go in front
I have a pretty big ass, so when I half ass something you`re still getting something impressive.
Just told the guy at the second drive-thru window that the guy at the first drive-thru window wants to fight him.
When people start praying before a meal, I close my eyes and imagine how far I could throw a potato if I really put my heart into it.
Orange Hi-C counts as a serving of fruit, right?
Such a satisfying feeling when “the one that got away” turns into “dodged that bullet”
I`m gonna start a secret porn industry and call it "the Illuminaughty".
The problem with taking the road less traveled is the poor phone signal...
Apparently “cheesecake & tacos” wasn’t the answer the interviewer was looking for when he asked me what my weaknesses are.
everyone is BEAUTIFUL in there own way--your just to UGLY to see that
You mellennials and your obsession with public healthcare, back in my day we just died!
Receipts are just short-stories about how stupid you are with money.
I`m "BE KIND & REWIND" years old.
If I’m ever murdered, I have no doubt that my chalk outline would include my phone in my hand.