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Why don’t television shows say, “You will be delighted to know that this program contains strong sexual content?”
Couples have an amount they can spend up to without discussing with each other. Mine is around $50. My wife`s is around $643.27. Apparently
Don`t blame me. You`re the one following a 41 year old man who just jumped into his bed like an Olympic athlete because scary monsters.
I`d hate to be a dragon .....I`d get so pissed tryin to blow out my birthday candles.
How many calories does swearing like a motherf*cker burn?
My inflatable girlfriend always looks surprised when I walk into the room.
Somebody needs to invent a voice-activated refrigerator on wheels.
Sarcasm: just one of the many services I offer ;)
If a worker gets fired & banned from the Lego company, have they been "blocked"?
Last night I was drunk and asked a cat if it could talk. It said, “Me? How?”
If you are going to call the cops every time you spot me in your bushes I don`t think this relationship is going to work.
Hey mother in law.... Don`t tell me how to raise my kids. Im still trying to raise yours.
Life really is all down-hill once you get to big too ride in the shopping cart anymore isnt it??
My boss told me "Dress for the job you want, not the job you have" Am now sat in a disciplinary meeting wearing my Batman costume
Intelligence is like underwear. It`s important that you have it but there`s no need to show it off.