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Life would be so much better if there were piñatas strategically placed throughout my day.
I have been left unsupervised yet again. This usually leads to trouble & other bad things, please have bail money ready and keep your phone on.
What would I do if I won the lottery? Make Charlie Sheen look like an amateur.
My definition of" Armed and Dangerous" is: a pissed off wife with a bottle of wine, and the credit cards.
Proposing to a woman isn’t like choosing a life-long business partner. It’s more like hiring your own boss.
Always be yourself, unless you suck…and if you suck you should try being more like me.
Really discouraging that there`s still bald people in sci fi movies.
I`m not drunk ... But I`m working on it.
I DON`T NEED ANYONE OR ANYTHING!!! (Except for Louie...the name I`ve given this meatball sub.)
The world would be a better place if we all got along like the "Price is Right" audience.
According to the 19 citations I got for trespassing and peeping, "neighborhood watch" isn`t what I thought it was.
A court date is still technically a date, right?
Tried to make a stew and accidentally summoned a demon again.
Why don`t family members send me money for my birthday anymore? I need it now more than when I was 7
I want a man who loves me for my personality. Is it really to much to ask, I mean I do have several to pick from.