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finally got my certification in the mail, I`m officially insane.
To be truthful,,, I have never unrolled a sleeping bag and been able to roll it back up any smaller than the size of a garage.
Always keep a note in your medicine cabinet that says, “I thought you were peeing?”
I want someone to look at me the way I look at chocolate cake.
Shopping for bridesmaid dresses with 5 other women, today. If you never hear from me again, I committed suicide by nail file.
NO, I didn`t say you WERE stupid. I said, you ARE stupid. There is nothing past tense about it.
I`m so pissed right now! I`m about to open a can of... Wait…WTF??!! Since when did they start putting child-proof lids on the cans of whoop-ass? A little help please...
It´s Friday!! yea! Oh sorry, I was just practicing.
Before having a kid the most important thing to ask yourself is “Am I ready to watch the exact same cartoon on repeat for the next 4 years?”
What`s the difference between a Garbanzo Bean and a Chickpea? I never had a Garbanzo Bean on my face.
The problem with this generation? The cartoons suck.
The best thing about telepathy is.. I know, right!
You mean you can actually put the cork back in a wine bottle? WHY!!??
if your dirty, your dirty... you cant fix it
If you cut your child`s sandwich into squares instead of triangles, you suck at parenting...