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So many rules; so little time to break them.
I`m still waiting for that fairly tale scene where the animals clean everything for me.
I hope this guy at the urinal next to me can see that I`m checking Facebook and not taking pictures.
Sometimes all you need, is 500 million dollars.
Patient: "The problem is that obesity runs in my family." Doctor: "No, the problem is no one runs in your family."
The gym is like church to some people. No matter what they do all week, they think they can erase it with one visit.
It`s really quite simple ... I do what I want! ... The End.
If you don’t want to marry me, why did you sit next to me on this bus?
People should have to pass an IQ test to use the internet.
Was at an Apple store today when I let out a really loud fart. Boy, the employee`s were so mad. Hey, Not my fault they don`t have windows!
I`m just gonna let my pillow decide my hairstyle for tomorrow.
The hardest question of the weekend.. can or bottle?
I believe in karma which means I can do bad things to people all day long and just assume they deserve it.
I`m going to stand outside. So if anyone asks, I am outstanding.
To avoid being eaten by Zombies go to "settings", "public", and uncheck the box that says "Facebook users taste like chicken"