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Actually, The quickest way to fix that annoying noise in your car is ... Just open the door and push her out.
There’s nothing wrong with enjoying free samples at the grocery store. Just make sure they’re samples. And free. And it’s a grocery store.
The most common crossfit injury is a black eye from talking about it too much.
This guy keeps asking me to help pet his neglected, one-eyed trouser snake. What a sweet guy! I think he`s a vet. Ladieeees! A doctor!!
If your girlfriend claims to never look at your Facebook profile, change your status to "single" and wait 5 minutes.
People say there are plenty of fish in the sea, well that is nice and all but I’m human, I don’t date fish.
Am I supposed to bring condoms to a speed dating event? How fast do these things actually go?
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
It`s not often you see a pink poo in your bowl & realize that not everything is edible from the sex shop
Apparently this dude at the mall was just tying his shoe and did NOT want to play leap frog. My bad, dude. My bad.
Spoiler alert: Your `97 Nissan Sentra doesn`t need one.
Picking up someone at a bar when you`re drunk, is like going to the grocery store hungry... You end up taking home crap you didn`t want
The light does go out in the fridge ... Now I have to wait for someone to let me out.
Revenge is best served to someone`s toothbrush.
I wish "You idiot" was an appropriate way to end a work email.