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I`m amazed at how much better my life has been since the iOS 7 update. I bet it would be even better if I owned an iPhone.
No one’s going to do it for you. It’s up to just you to make naps a priority in your life.
This day is only a margarita away from being a good one.
Apparently somebody gets stabbed every 52 seconds...sucks to be that guy
Back in my day, we didn’t have Instagram. We had to bore people in person with photo albums.
Me:"I had a dream about you." Girlfriend:"Awwwwww." Me:"Yeah, you died."
Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food colouring. The doctor says I`m alright, but I feel like, well, like I`ve dyed a little inside.
I don`t remember anything that happened, but I may have had a drink or two...
Sometimes I wish I could officially change "Hump Day" into "Smack-A-Dumb-Bitch-In-The-Face" Day.
I wonder if the psycho hitchhiker ever gets picked up by the psycho driver. Now there`s a movie I`d pay to see.
If you ever come over unannounced, it`ll take me at least three minutes to answer the door because there is no way I was already wearing pants.
Can I use my Mastercard to make my Visa payment?
The future is that time when you’ll wish you’d done what you aren’t doing now.
I’m not crazy just the voices are!
I’m over the 30-day ab challenge ... Is there a 30-day nap challenge I can take on?