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Girls who say "alot of guys are after me" should keep in mind that cheap things always attract many customers.
That amazing moment when you find money in your clothes that you forgot was there.
I hate girls who insert the phrase "my boyfriend" into every conversation. So does my boyfriend.
Soul mates are people with the mutual understanding that no one else will put up with their sh!t.
Don´t wait for the perfect moment. Take the moment and make it perfect.
Hey Guys, I don’t have Instagram but I just wanted to let you know that I had oatmeal for breakfast. No sugar, mixed with water.
If the waitress in the One Bell Pub is reading this can we please have our pudding now, cheers
I like how Sesame Street just casually has a vampire hanging around.
Another tragedy today in the music industry.....Justin Beiber was just found alive in his apartment. :(
You said you wanted my advice, but I see you haven’t f*cked off or died yet.
You can´t trust dogs to watch your food.
Arguing over a girl`s bust size is like choosing between Heineken, Coors or Budweiser -- Men may state their preferences, but will grab whatever is available.
my neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning , can you believe that 2:30am? Luckily for him I was still up playing my drums...
I successfully cleared a path from the front door to the TV. Now I can watch Hoarders.
It`s the little things in life that count, like pills.