Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The worst time to need to sneeze is when you’re driving. The worst time to need to pee it when you’re driving and need to sneeze.
I wonder if angry people know about naps?
I love long legs.... Long sexy legs.....But not on a Spider, I hate long sexy legs on a Spider.
superbowl: the only time I actually look forward to watching commericals.
I`ll call it a smartphone the day I yell "Where`s my phone?" and it yells "Down here! In the couch cushions!"
Hate having friends? Just chew with your mouth open.
I spent 2 hours cleaning this kitchen. Mess it up and I will cut you! ... Love MOM
It`s such a cold winter this year that the squirrels are collecting more nuts than usual. So far 3 of my neighbors have disappeared...
Tip for Sunday Church: Don`t forget to keep your phones on silent, especially if your ringtone is `I like big butts and I do not lie!`
Beach Rule #17: Never ask anyone under the age of 35 if they`ve seen your shuttlecock
Does this couch I’m laying on make me look unmotivated?
Life Lesson: Never ever, ever do anything you wouldn`t want to explain to a nurse in a busy ER.
It’s always a special moment when you finally get to hear those three words you’ve been waiting for……. “Your order’s ready.”
My bf just got out of jail. Says life in jail for him was a big pain in the a$$
The early bird needs a punch in the throat.