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The only "B" word you should call a woman is "beautiful"... B!tches love being called beautiful.
From this point on, all postings of pictures of waffles will be considered a personal invitation.
If there’s one piece of advice I can give you it’s to marry someone who has a different favorite cereal than you so they wont eat all of yours.
Happy Wednesday 2014 Everyone!
Why is maple syrup so expensive?.. It grows on trees doesn`t it?
2 out of 3 isn`t bad. Unless you come home from the park with 2 out 3 kids.
I`m convinced some people got married just so they could gripe about being married...
Did 4 push ups & 2 sit ups then ate 4 doughnuts & drank 2 beers. It`s called balance people!
That awkward moment when you buy a pack of condoms and your wife ask. what you gonna do with those?
The only thing worse than having it rain after you wash your car is have to poop as soon as you get out of the shower.
“I don’t know why people dislike jury duty. I think being able to play god with others’ lives sounds fun!” – How I got out of jury duty
When your kids become teenagers, it`s important to have a dog so someone in the house is happy to see you.
I can`t relate to people who "forget to eat"
Played hide and seek today. I was winning until the cops let the K9 off of the leash.
"Please take a seat" was a bad introduction for a Kleptomaniacs` Anonymous meeting.