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The women at this gym act like nobody’s ever tried taking their measurements before.
Sex without love is merely healthy exercise.
Detective: “The victim musta had company. There’s 2 dirty plates in the sink.” If I ever get murdered they’ll think I had 16 people over.
Dieting is for the birds. Which is why you hardly ever see a fat bird.
What if there were no hypothetical questions?
You call it "Road Rage". I call it "Aggressively maneuvering around a$$holes that don`t know how to f*cking drive."
Money may not buy happiness but it can certainly improve the quality of your misery
They say 1 in 3 people cheat in a relationship. I`m not sure if its my wife or my girlfriend.
Teacher: Why are you late!? Me: There was a man who lost a $100 bill..Teacher: That’s nice. Were you helping him look for it? Me: No, I was standing on it until he f*cked off.
In reference to why men can sleep with lots a women and it’s fine, but women can’t sleep with lots of men or else they’re whores. “If a key opens a lot of locks, it’s a master key. But if a lock is opened by a lot of different keys, it’s just a sh!tty lock.”
Eleventeen percent of the population makes up words.
I get a lot of “You must work out!!!” I just wish it wasn’t from doctors. :(
I am not retreating! I am advancing in a different direction!
Does Holy Crap comes from Holy Cow.?
I wonder who Jason Waterfalls is and why did TLC not want him to go...